Is it just me or has my heart been missing from my blog lately?
It’s not purposeful.
If I shared my heart with you, I’m sure some ugliness would pour out.
Remember when I vlogged during coffee date a couple weeks ago about some people who I thought were friends hurting my feelings.
Well If I poured out my heart I would tell you that I’m still struggling to forgive.
The whole situation still makes me angry, frustrated, broken hearted.
I still feel blinded sided by the whole thing.
that’s how long I vlogged about it,
as though it was no big deal + that it happened, but I was over it.
in my heart of hearts I knew I wasn’t.
weeks have gone by…
and all I have to show for myself is a lot of hours lost
hours spent being frustrated over this stupid situation.
Did I confront them?
I just felt they should know what they did and aren’t worthy of my friendship anymore
so so ugly
It has been the ruin of me + I’m over it.
It’s given me writer’s block.
Every time I sat down to write, it would consume my thoughts.
But see that’s the amazing thing about community.
Now that I’ve shared that I’m finally dealing with it
This past weekend, celebrating a time of gratitude, I had to take a long hard look at all the amazing things going on in my life. I have an incredible husband, who loves me in spite of my stupidity + has listen to be agonize over this whole situation for weeks with a listening ear, but no sympathy because I refused to confront those who had hurt me. Rightfully so. I have two precious children who remind us how much they love us on a daily basis with their snuggles, nose kisses and I love yous. Even typing it makes me feel overwhelmed with emotion.
Today we were shopping at the mall. It was busy in the store + I was trying on clothes. Both kids were playing on our iPhones, when through the dressing room door, out of no where, I heard Katelyn tell Kyle how much she loved him. I melted. So did the girls working at the store. I could hear them talking about how it was the most precious thing ever. Truth be told, it was. It’s the little moments.
This past weekend reminded me that they only thing I need to be doing is
coming before God with gratitude
spending time with Him daily, not just saying it, but doing it.
letting go of the ugliness because the only person it hurts is me.
In a season that reminds us to give to others in big + powerful ways, much like our Heavenly FAther gave His son, that should be our only focus. Everything else is just noise.
Do you ever struggle with things you just can’t let go of? How do you deal with letting it go?